Musings from Maternity Leave
Don't you wish "taking a holiday" was a thing in the western world? Where sabbaticals were a normal part of the rhythms in our lives...
I spent about 7 weeks in Italy one summer in college with CRU (formerly called Campus Crusade) on a mission trip. Every morning we would walk around Bologna and engage with college students about spirituality and Jesus. We had to get most of the things done in the morning because everything would pretty much shut down in the afternoon. This was the time of rest for many, and for this nap-lovin' girl it added to the already huge list of why I wanted to move to Italy (and still do!).
Many Europeans (and actually others from around the world) also will take a season of time in the year to get away from the hustle and bustle of normal work routines to go on holiday. These can be several weeks long and are full of refreshing, regrouping, and resting... incredibly good for one's physical, spiritual, emotional, relational, and even occupational health. For most of us in the U.S. this is never a possibility because the idolatry of work and the need for money infiltrates all we do.
But don't you get tired? Man, I know I do. One of my favorite things about having babies is maternity leave. I mean, I'm just keepin' it real here! I really like being home (introvert), cuddling with a newborn, and doing absolutely nothing if I want to. It is glorious. It is like my own "holiday," and I kind of wish it would never end. I love counseling, don't get me wrong, but I also really like rest :).
This maternity leave has felt different for me. I am a little more grown up and more weathered in some ways. I've learned so much and felt happier than I have in a long time. This whole year has been a year of change for me, and I wanted to share some of the things I've learned in this season. And here is my current view :).
1. Take long seasons off of social media.
Seriously. One of the most liberating things in the world. I took a few weeks off of social media in the Spring, and I actually started dreaming again. I stopped comparing my life so much to others. I was more engaged with my family and coworkers and actually checked on friends. I felt clarity about some important next steps and finally felt brave enough to start working toward a long-lived dream and calling. We forget how life-sucking social media can be, so do it. Do it now. Delete the apps and open a good book or text a friend or pray.
2. Exercise really does make you feel better (emotionally, physically, and spiritually).
I preach this to clients all the time, but if you know me, you know I HATE working out. I hate running. I hate sweating. I hate pain. I've always just done it out of necessity, like conditioning for soccer in HS or right before I got married :) (and RARELY since). Sorry, hun. But lately I've picked it up again. Sometimes it may be a walk with the girls in my neighborhood or yoga at home or one of the Tone it Up exercises (check out their app! Love them!). I've felt better than I have in a while because I have made it a part of my life again. No pressure. I go at my own pace. And I've stopped looking at myself with disgust when I pass a mirror. I've accepted this 30 year old body and stopped comparing mine to others while setting my own goals and feeling dang good when I reach them.
3. Pruning is necessary.
Sometimes there are just some things that need to go. Maybe you just need to take the plunge and go part-time or change jobs or stay at home for a season with your kids. Maybe you need to stop saying "yes" so much to good things and start saying it to the right things. Maybe you book the long vacation or start budgeting differently so that you can take a longer "holiday." Maybe you cut cable or clean out the clutter in your house or have a garage sale or stop reading all the yucky political tweets. Pruning things that don't need to be there paves the way for more growth and allows room for the things that DO need to be there.
4. Silence. Rest. Sabbath.
Learning to rest, take a sabbath, or even have pockets of silence are so refreshing for the soul. I KNEW this logically, but I've truly experienced it (esp. during maternity leave). Like right now I chose to write instead of doing the dishes. There are some days that we just need to set aside chores for 24 hours and learn how to "be" again. Rest does not make you lazy. It makes you healthy. Turn off TV and put down the phone, too, because the noise of the world is more toxic than we know. The moments of the most peace and hope and joy for me are moments of silence. Maybe that is the introvert in me, but I think all personality types need this from time to time. Rest. Contemplate. Pray. Meditate. Focus your mind back on truth. These are holy things. Make them a part of your routines.
5. Things do not have to be perfect.
Toys on the floor. Dishes in the sink. A bed unmade (GASP! Not in my house...). Weeds in the flower bed. Clutter on the counters. Fingerprints on the windows. This is my (very) current reality. And sometimes it is kind of freeing to just go, "You know, I am actually going to sit and hold my newborn right now instead of worrying about all of these things. They will get done eventually." For this clean freak, that is extremely difficult to do. But I would rather not live each day in full-blown perfectionism mode. I would rather just live.
6. Dreams don't happen on their own.
My word for 2018 is brave. And for me that has meant giving up some things, taking time off, and taking steps toward a dream and calling I've had for many years. Allow your imagination to dream, but don't leave it there. Grab it. Start working toward it. One small step at a time. It will never happen on it's own.
Many of you have heard these things before. "That's nothing new, Kerrah." Well they were not new concepts for me either. But 2018 and this season of maternity leave has helped me to go beyond that into really experiencing them in my life. And it has been liberating. So don't read it and toss it away into some corner of your mind. Take them and actually do them. I hope as you do that you experience some freedom and joy and peace as I have.
I spent about 7 weeks in Italy one summer in college with CRU (formerly called Campus Crusade) on a mission trip. Every morning we would walk around Bologna and engage with college students about spirituality and Jesus. We had to get most of the things done in the morning because everything would pretty much shut down in the afternoon. This was the time of rest for many, and for this nap-lovin' girl it added to the already huge list of why I wanted to move to Italy (and still do!).
Many Europeans (and actually others from around the world) also will take a season of time in the year to get away from the hustle and bustle of normal work routines to go on holiday. These can be several weeks long and are full of refreshing, regrouping, and resting... incredibly good for one's physical, spiritual, emotional, relational, and even occupational health. For most of us in the U.S. this is never a possibility because the idolatry of work and the need for money infiltrates all we do.
But don't you get tired? Man, I know I do. One of my favorite things about having babies is maternity leave. I mean, I'm just keepin' it real here! I really like being home (introvert), cuddling with a newborn, and doing absolutely nothing if I want to. It is glorious. It is like my own "holiday," and I kind of wish it would never end. I love counseling, don't get me wrong, but I also really like rest :).
This maternity leave has felt different for me. I am a little more grown up and more weathered in some ways. I've learned so much and felt happier than I have in a long time. This whole year has been a year of change for me, and I wanted to share some of the things I've learned in this season. And here is my current view :).
1. Take long seasons off of social media.
Seriously. One of the most liberating things in the world. I took a few weeks off of social media in the Spring, and I actually started dreaming again. I stopped comparing my life so much to others. I was more engaged with my family and coworkers and actually checked on friends. I felt clarity about some important next steps and finally felt brave enough to start working toward a long-lived dream and calling. We forget how life-sucking social media can be, so do it. Do it now. Delete the apps and open a good book or text a friend or pray.
2. Exercise really does make you feel better (emotionally, physically, and spiritually).
I preach this to clients all the time, but if you know me, you know I HATE working out. I hate running. I hate sweating. I hate pain. I've always just done it out of necessity, like conditioning for soccer in HS or right before I got married :) (and RARELY since). Sorry, hun. But lately I've picked it up again. Sometimes it may be a walk with the girls in my neighborhood or yoga at home or one of the Tone it Up exercises (check out their app! Love them!). I've felt better than I have in a while because I have made it a part of my life again. No pressure. I go at my own pace. And I've stopped looking at myself with disgust when I pass a mirror. I've accepted this 30 year old body and stopped comparing mine to others while setting my own goals and feeling dang good when I reach them.
3. Pruning is necessary.
Sometimes there are just some things that need to go. Maybe you just need to take the plunge and go part-time or change jobs or stay at home for a season with your kids. Maybe you need to stop saying "yes" so much to good things and start saying it to the right things. Maybe you book the long vacation or start budgeting differently so that you can take a longer "holiday." Maybe you cut cable or clean out the clutter in your house or have a garage sale or stop reading all the yucky political tweets. Pruning things that don't need to be there paves the way for more growth and allows room for the things that DO need to be there.
4. Silence. Rest. Sabbath.
Learning to rest, take a sabbath, or even have pockets of silence are so refreshing for the soul. I KNEW this logically, but I've truly experienced it (esp. during maternity leave). Like right now I chose to write instead of doing the dishes. There are some days that we just need to set aside chores for 24 hours and learn how to "be" again. Rest does not make you lazy. It makes you healthy. Turn off TV and put down the phone, too, because the noise of the world is more toxic than we know. The moments of the most peace and hope and joy for me are moments of silence. Maybe that is the introvert in me, but I think all personality types need this from time to time. Rest. Contemplate. Pray. Meditate. Focus your mind back on truth. These are holy things. Make them a part of your routines.
5. Things do not have to be perfect.
Toys on the floor. Dishes in the sink. A bed unmade (GASP! Not in my house...). Weeds in the flower bed. Clutter on the counters. Fingerprints on the windows. This is my (very) current reality. And sometimes it is kind of freeing to just go, "You know, I am actually going to sit and hold my newborn right now instead of worrying about all of these things. They will get done eventually." For this clean freak, that is extremely difficult to do. But I would rather not live each day in full-blown perfectionism mode. I would rather just live.
6. Dreams don't happen on their own.
My word for 2018 is brave. And for me that has meant giving up some things, taking time off, and taking steps toward a dream and calling I've had for many years. Allow your imagination to dream, but don't leave it there. Grab it. Start working toward it. One small step at a time. It will never happen on it's own.
Many of you have heard these things before. "That's nothing new, Kerrah." Well they were not new concepts for me either. But 2018 and this season of maternity leave has helped me to go beyond that into really experiencing them in my life. And it has been liberating. So don't read it and toss it away into some corner of your mind. Take them and actually do them. I hope as you do that you experience some freedom and joy and peace as I have.
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