No Man Is An Island

Lorelai and Rory Gilmore. Do those names mean anything to you? They are the main characters of the show Gilmore Girls, and I unashamedly am obsessed with their story. When I say “obsessed,” I mean I have seen every episode of all seven seasons at least ten times J. I love comparing real life examples to their situations in the show, not to mention finding much needed comic relief. I find it extremely too joyous when another die-hard understands my Gilmore Girls humor. I know some of you know exactly what I am talking about! My husband doesn’t understand my fascination with watching the episodes repeatedly, but I can’t get enough! The humor gets me every time, but I also love picking up on new themes and symbolism that I haven’t quite grasped yet in a scene.

There are quite a few themes that are interwoven throughout the storyline of Lorelai and Rory’s life. One in particular is the strong undertone of self-sufficiency and independance. Lorelai is the kind of woman who accidentally got pregnant at sixteen and moved out of her parent’s house not long after she had Rory to do things on her own. She had extremely wealthy parents and would not accept a dime from them for almost sixteen years.  She went from being a maid at an inn to running the inn to even opening her own inn, which had been her dream for twenty years.

One of my favorite scenes in the series falls during the renovation of her new inn. It is costing too much money, and she is running out. She reaches her breaking point. She has to humble herself enough to set up a time to ask her friend for a large loan to finish her inn. She has had a terrible day, and goes to her friend in complete brokenness. It is very rare that you see her cry, but the tears start flowing as she opens up to him about her fear of failure and a need that surprises her.

In the midst of her tears, she says something like, “You know, I have never thought how nice it would be to be married….But I just think it would be nice to have someone pick up the slack, to help with bills, to have your back…” In this moment, the “Miss Independent” theme is replaced with this desperation for companionship or community. This moment shifted my whole idea of this woman of steel. She became a normal woman who longs for someone to be a true friend and partner. It was the moment when I felt I respected her character more than I ever had before. She finally realized that she was not an island. She understood how much she needed help. To me, understanding your need for help deems you stronger and more honorable than someone who is “Miss Independent.”

The last time I watched that particular episode, I really started relating to her. I am someone who works hard to have it all under control. I plan, have goals, and stick to my calendar. When someone offers to help, I usually decline (unless it is my husband or someone in my family). I have it in my mind that I am responsible for this or that, and it is my job to make it all happen. I rely on myself to make it through my crazy busyness in one piece. I rely on myself to take care of my kid when I am sick or get the dishes in the dishwasher even when my legs are in pain. I feel like I have it all under control, most of the time. When things start to go wrong or my kid won’t stop crying or I can’t seem to get all of my work done in the office or I forget about some little detail about a woman’s event, I lose it. I start getting hot and sweaty and ridiculously stressed out. I feel like I fail as a “supermom,” whatever that means, and then I start taking it out on those that I care about.

Do you see the underlying issue? I am sad that it has taken me so long to see it when it is so evident. I have to come to a point of acceptance that I am simply a human being. I can’t be supermom, super counselor, super women’s leader, super wife, super writer, or whatever all at the same time. I am a mere human being who desperately needs help. I realize that I am nothing without Jesus anyway, and I can’t really do much apart from him (John 15). I am trying to run to my life, and it is not working! Go figure! I forget that I can lean against my Savior and breathe, knowing that He will fight FOR me (Exodus 14:14).  I can go to a friend and ask for prayer. I can delegate a task. I can ask my husband to take the baby one night so that I can have alone time. I can rely on my Jesus, and I can rely on those that he has placed in my life to lift me up and support me when I feel like I am failing.  

Some of you are probably thinking, “Yep. The struggle is real.” The sad thing about this pattern of self-sufficiency in our lives is that it will ultimately drive us far from the One who truly saves. It promotes the idea of relying on self to save, instead of the Savior. When we think that we are all we need, we never understand how much we need saving from our broken, flawed state. Christ is the only one who can truly do this. He is the only one that can lead us in the way we need to go. He is the only one who can restore our financial issues, lost dreams, or broken homes. He is the only way we can spend eternity in peace.

With the mindset of self-sufficiency, we also never really see our need for brothers and sisters in the faith to hold us up and help us when we need it. We are much too prideful for that. We can’t ask a friend for marriage advice when ours is in the toilet. We can’t ask someone for a meal after we have lost someone we care about. We can’t share a secret struggle with sin with someone because we don’t want anyone to know, neglecting the fact that that confession could be just the deliverance we need. We don’t ever ask for money or for help in the house. We forget that not only do we have a Savior, a high priest who can “sympathize with our weaknesses… One who has been tempted as we are” (Hebrews 4:16, ESV), but also a community of saints whom we can link arms and face battles together.

Take a moment to read an excerpt of this poem by John Donne.

No Man Is An Island

No man is an island,

Entire of itself,

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.

This has been one of my favorite pieces of poetry for many years. The first line always cuts right to the core. When our eyes are opened to our need, then we can reach our arms and let our Savior pick us up. He has the open door that he needs to step in and move mountains, but He does not force this.  He waits for the “in,” for us to see our sin and run fast into His arms of grace to find the help that we need.

He and His church (the body of Christ) are the “main.” When will we return back to the main? When we will see that we can go much farther in life linked to our life-source? When will we lay aside our pride and beg for the Lord to take the driver’s seat?

I pray that it is sooner than later so that Christ has His “in” to work in big ways in and through your life.

[COMPEL Enhancement Tip: I used Evernote to jot down what I noticed in the episode that day, and it helped me organize my ideas.]